


Peter Parker and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Field Trip from Hell

by toomanyfandomsuhoh



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Sherlock (TV), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bisexual Peter Parker, Crack, Domestic Avengers, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Flash Thompson Being A Jerk, Flash Thompson Bullies Peter Parker, Flash Thompson Redemption, Flash Thompson is a closeted gay, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Gay Flash Thompson, Gen, Hiding Medical Issues, How Do I Tag, Humor, Hurt Peter Parker, Johnlock - Freeform, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Minor Michelle Jones/Peter Parker, Pansexual Peter Parker, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Calls Tony Stark "Dad", Peter Parker Whump, Peter Parker's Field Trip to Stark Industries, Peter does not have an ounce of self preservation, Peter is Not Impressed, Peter is a Little Shit, Peter is so done, Precious Peter Parker, Sarcastic Peter Parker, Sassy Peter Parker, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Written in Class, no betas we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:00:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26005321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toomanyfandomsuhoh/pseuds/toomanyfandomsuhoh
Summary: Peter Parker's class goes to Stark Industries, oh joy what could possibly go wrong?The answer: Literally everythingCherry on the top: He also has an bleeding stab wound on the abdomen plus a massive fever and headache. Why can't Flash just shut his pie hole?Basically your average field trip fic but with sarcastic!peter who is 900% done with everything
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Avengers Team, Peter Parker & Flash Thompson, Peter Parker & Natasha Romanov, Peter Parker & Steve Rogers, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
Comments: 74
Kudos: 681





	1. How I Got Stabbed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Glancing down, I could see a blade jutting out from my side, "Awe fuck, I can't believe you've done this!"_
> 
> _Tugging it out, which was followed by a sickening squelching I grimaced at as blood splattered out. I scowled at him under the mask, tossing the blade aside._
> 
> _"Uncool," as I proceeded to knock him out once again._

Parker Luck™ strikes again. 

By now, I really shouldn't be surprised. Field trips are destined to be my one true nemesis. Not thieves and robbers, but field trips, are the bane of my existence. 

I mean, can you blame me? A field trip to Oscorp - bitten by a radioactive spider. A field trip to MOMA - an alien donut landed in the middle New York. Thankfully, the purple grape was nothing but a dumb sour grape. And with the weird self-proclaimed 'Starlord' dude, who liked Footloose, not freaking out, the grape was easily squashed. All we needed to do was to wait for Carol, the awesome lady, to come and snap her fingers, effectively dusting Thanos and bringing Gamora back. I mean, can you imagine what could've happened if we failed?! 

For a person who has been to space and back, fought bad guys on a daily basis, this field trip shouldn't be a problem at all. Yet staring at the piece of harmless paper, dread settled deep inside me. I glared daggers at the paper as if wishing it would spontaneously combust. But all it did was lie there on the desk, looking as innocent as a piece of paper can be, like it was taunting me of my demise. 

"Hey Peter, you alright?" A familiar voice jolted me from my increasingly dark thoughts of ways to destroy this sheet of paper (taught by Ms Natasha 'Nat' Black Widow Romanov Ma'am), "You've been frowning at the permission slip ever since Mr Harrington announced the field trip." 

"Yeah Ned, I'm fine... just fine." I gritted out, eyes never leaving the offending piece of paper. 

Ned continues rambling on, oblivious to my inner despair, "Oh my god, Peterrrrrrrrrr! This is gonna be so cool! Do you reckon we can meet Iron Man and the Avengers? Will we get to see the labs? Will they let us touch the Iron Man armours? Will-" 

"Ned, you were at the compound just last Saturday!" I sighed exasperated, yet fondly at my best friend's excitement. 

"Wait! You can now prove to Flash that you're not lying! The compound is basically your home! Mr Stark is totally going to say hi to you during the tour! Ooooooh, that is so cool!" 

"That's exactly what I wish not to happen..." I muttered under my breath. 

Flash, hearing his name, turned around and faced us, "Hey Penis, still trying to make everyone believe that you actually have an internship? You've got 'till tomorrow to come clean. Or would you want to wait until we're at the building and Tony Stark says he's never met you in front of everyone?" He snorted. 

"Either way Parker, you're dead." He mocked, sneering as he made a slicing motion with his finger across the neck. 

"Mr Thompson, eyes to the front, what is the answer to..." The teacher droned on, Flash temporarily distracted by the sudden question. 

As time ticked on, each passing moment only brought more anxiety. I fidgeted in my seat, fingers drumming on the table and foot tapping. With a sudden, my senses pulsed slightly, warning me of an impending event. This was common, with Flash always chucking random objects at me whenever the teacher isn't looking. Without giving away my Spiderman cover, I willed myself to stay in place, not dodging as I felt a ball of paper hit the back of my head. 

Reaching down on the floor, I retrieved the paper ball, smoothing it out on my desk. It was a rough sketch of me, eyes fixed on paper, expression an exaggerated frown. The words 'Cheer up, loser' were written at the bottom of the sketch. I smiled glancing across, trying to catch MJ's eye to mouth a silent 'thank you'. Yet she was buried in her thick book, a stray curl shielding her face. I smiled inwardly, mood lifting, and felt unexpectedly reassured. 

As the bell rung, I hastily stuffed the permission slip along with the textbooks into my bag. With a final taunt from Flash, a slightly awkward 'bye' with MJ and a complicated handshake with Ned, I wove through the sea of students with ease, hopped past the stairs and saw the black Mercedes a few meters away from the school. I took a deep breath, bracing myself for acting normally. 

Okay Peter Parker, just act normal. If Mr Stark doesn't find out about the tour, no one will embarrass me. _How naive I was._

I trotted over to the car and slipped inside awkwardly. 

"Hey, Happy! How are you? I'm good, I'm good. Just good. I mean well, 'cause that's the right way of saying 'I'm fine'. My grammar is usually good, I don't know what's gotten into me. 'Cause today I got an A on my English quiz, so I should be good at grammar, but just now I said 'I'm good'. Anyway, today was a really normal day. Just normal. Yeah, very normal. Nothing happened much... " 

A beat. 

The spider-sense and common sense (if I have any) blared 'Abort! Abort!' in my head. 

I gulped. 

_God, Peter. You are dumb. You have zero acting talent. What was that monologue?! I'm surprised that your identity hasn't been blown yet._

Oh shut up, condescending-voice-in-my-head, I'm trying my best! 

Happy stared at me blankly, then raised an eyebrow, "O-okay... Kid, you're extra weird today." 

With that, he started driving and we lapsed into an uncomfortable silence. 

* * *

The car skidded to a stop. I had fidgeted with my fingers the whole way there. 

"Thanks, Happy," I mumbled, subdued. 

Happy made a noncommittal sound and said, "Yeah no problem kid, just sort out whatever thing you are dealing with." 

I smiled grimly, ears tinged red with embarrassment at the reminder of the painful memory as I trudged up to the elevator. 

Okay, Peter. That was bad but we still have hope. All you have to do is to be normal and then we won't be embarrassed by Mr Stark and his dramatic flair tomorrow. 

"Hello, Peter. Welcome back. I've already informed Boss of your arrival. I have sensed a spike in your heart rate, would you like me to inform him?" 

"No no no no no, FRIDAY. It's okay, you don't have to." 

"Oops too late," the AI informed, sounding way too innocent, "Boss is informed. He seems concerned and worried." 

"Gee thanks, FRI," I deadpanned sarcastically. 

Poker face on, Peter. 

I entered the lab, casually flinging my backpack to the chair next to my lab space. 

"Hey, Mr Stark!" 

"Oh hi Pete," he ruffled my hair, "FRIDAY said your heart rate was fast. You feelin' okay?" 

"Yeah yeah no, I feel normal," I muttered, suddenly interested in the sleeves of my hoodie. 

"Peter..." Mr Stark said in a 'stop shitting me' tone. 

"Yeah?" I feigned innocence, fixing him with a wide-eyed look. 

Turns out Mr Stark had immunity to this look now. 

"Peter, out with it now. Was it that Flap guy? Did he bully you? Do I need to hurt him?" 

"No..." I sighed. Am I that bad at acting? Ugh, guess there's a reason why I'm not one of the theatre kids, "It's nothing. It's just that... wehaveatourtomorrowinhere." 

"What? Buddy, you gotta speak up." 

"I said, our field trip is coming here tomorrow," I mumbled. 

Mr Stark stared at me for a moment as I peeked at him above my curls. 

And then he started laughing. 

"Only you, Underoos-" he gasped in between fistful of laughs, "only you." 

I stared at him unamused, "Mr Stark, please don't embarrass me." 

"Why I'd never!" Tony exclaimed, feigning offence as he gasped dramatically with a hand across his chest. 

"Well forgive me if I have trust issues 'cause last time you introduced me to Mike and all the other interns, you talked about how I solved that one question you couldn't solve for an entire half hour!" I mock pouted, "and that time you also said you wouldn't embarrass me." 

"Okay fine. I'll TRY to not embarrass you, but no promises." 

I sighed, that was probably as good a bargain as I could get. 

"Good, now gimme that permission slip." 

Grabbing one of my pens, he signed smoothly on the slip and stuffed it back in my bag. With that, my unease slipped away and I was once again excited for the lab day ahead of me. 

"C'mon, I've got your new suit ready, go try it on! I've added 30 new web combinations..." 

* * *

I sprinted to one of the windows of the 93-story tower, leaping out of the building as FRIDAY opens the window for me. I chuckled as I caught Mr Stark's grumbles about his heart problems and the rest of the Avengers' goodbyes. 

"Bye guys!" I shouted into the night as I began swinging to the direction of Queens. 

"Hey Karen, What do you have for me?" 

"Sorry Peter, but Tony said 'No patrolling for you tonight, spiderling. It's a school night." 

Tony's recorded voice filtered through as I mock scowled at him for already anticipating what I would ask. Sighing as I see my plans for the night are ruined, I decided to swing to Delmar's for a little late-night snack. Landing in an alley nearby, I quickly changed back into civilian clothes. 

* * *

"Thanks, Mr Delmar. Have a good night!" 

Halfway back home, a shrill cry to my right broke the harmonic sounds of the city. Whipping my head towards its direction, I started to flick out my web-shooters. Not having time to change back into the suit, I pulled the mask on and prayed to god that the clothes I'm wearing now are inconspicuous enough to not reveal my identity. 

Scaling the walls, I perched myself on a ledge and webbed my backpack to the wall beside me, analysing the situation before me. Four men cornering a brown-haired middle-aged woman with knives, one poised to stab. I narrowed my eyes at the scene. 

Jumping down and webbing the knife of the one planning to stab the woman, I said, "Hey guys, this is so cliche!" 

They all whipped around, scowling at me. One of them squinted at me and spoke up, "Are you the spider guy? What's up with those clothes? Don't ya have a suit or somethin'?" 

"Wardrobe problem," I quipped back. 

"Well, you better be gettin' outta here spider-boy. You don't wanna mess with us," he and his buddies brandished his knives oh so threateningly. 

"My weakness! Small knives!" 

They growled not very menacingly and attacked. My senses blared as the man nearest me started to charge at me. Dodging his attack, I elbow-punched him unconscious. Leaping forward, I webbed their weapons and their bodies one by one. 

Approaching the traumatised woman who was pressing herself as close to the corner slowly, I raised my hands to show that I'm unarmed, "Hey, I'm spiderman. You're safe now." 

She stared at me, eyes wide and uncomprehending as I coaxed her slowly to come out of her hiding spot. After walking a few steps, she gasped as my senses flared, screaming at me to dodge. Yet all I could think right now is to protect her. I felt something poke me at the side. 

Glancing down, I could see a blade jutting out from my side, "Awe fuck, I can't believe you've done this!" 

Tugging it out, which was followed by a sickening squelching I grimaced at as blood splattered out. I scowled at him under the mask, tossing the blade aside. 

"Uncool," as I proceeded to knock him out once again. 

Scanning around, the woman was already long gone. I sighed as I retrieved my backpack, wincing at the stabbing (pun not intended) pain whenever I move my arms. The blood had soaked through a good portion of the previously white shirt. 

"This will be a bitch to clean up," I cursed as I pressed at hand to the wound to staunch the bleeding. Should I call Mr Stark? On second thought, maybe not. The wound isn't anything big anyway. With my healing speed, it'll be gone by tomorrow. No need to worry Mr Stark at all. Come to think of it, I'm thankful that I didn't wear the suit as Karen would've totally snitched on me that way. 

Sighing, I shot a web and bit my lip as the pain tore through me and began the dreadful journey of swinging my way back home once again. 

* * *

"Peter, is that you?" 

I shut the window behind me and tossed the backpack aside. Wincing at the injury at my side, I hobbled to the door to open a crack of it. 

"Yeah May, I'm back from Tony's. Kinda tired today, so I'll just hop straight to bed," I said with my throat hoarse from the pain. 

"Okay, sweetie. Have a good night's rest for tomorrow's field trip!" 

"No way! Mr Stark told you already?" 

"Yup," she chuckled, kissing my forehead and heading to bed. 

Listening to May's footsteps grow faint, I started to get out of the bloodstained clothes. I grimaced in pain as I peeled the shirt that was clinging to the clotted blood and newly formed skin. The adrenaline was fading as I wiped the rest of the blood around the wound with the shirt. 

Standing up to bin the shirt, my knees felt week and I started to see stars. Stumbling back into the soft bed that seems very inviting at this moment, I decided the wound would probably be all healed in the morning. Without cleaning and wrapping my torso with bandages, I succumbed into a deep sleep. 

_I really didn't know how fucked up tomorrow would be._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Currently writing the second chapter so stay tuned!!
> 
> Constructive criticism is appreciated and feel free to gimme suggestions on what u want to happen on the field trip :))))
> 
> Tumblr: toomanyfandomsuhoh


	2. Field Trips are the Bane of Peter Parker's Existence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 1 of the tour
> 
> Peter is feeling like crap and all the embarrassment he's getting isn't helping at all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kinda short but school has started and ib is time-consuming. This took me so long but I tried guys...
> 
> SI and Avengers' Compound are the same thing for the sake of the story.  
> Also, Peter's immune system is probably weakened due to the blood loss and loss of immune cells, causing the infection (apologies in advance for the medical inaccuracies, I'm only 15 and still studying stupid plant biology)
> 
> Shameless self-promo that you can ignore if u want, I posted a lil pilot chapter of an idea for an original fic. Please go check it out if u want🥺👉🏻👈🏻

_Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep..._

I sluggishly raised a hand to shut the devil clock up, accidentally denting the button from my force. Oh well, that one was annoying anyway. I blinked, rubbing the crust away from my eyes as I groaned from the pounding in my head. Wincing at the bright light shining into my eyes, I cursed myself for forgetting to close the blinds last night. I pushed myself to a sitting position as I nursed my pounding head between my hands. God, my face felt too warm. Stumbling to the toilet, I leant on the sink and decided to wash my face in a desperate attempt to feel better for the school today. 

_Oh fuck, the field trip. Flash is never gonna let it go if I didn't show up today._

Gazing at my face on the mirror, I cringed internally. My face definitely looked too red to be normal. I pulled up my shirt to my stomach as I started to examine the wound from yesterday. With luck, it would have already healed. Maybe that's why I have a headache since my body is focusing on treating the injury. Unfortunately, since when had luck ever sided with me? 

The wound had stopped bleeding, yet it wasn't completely healed at all. The tissue was still tender around the edges and was oozing a little bit of pus in the centre. I grimaced. Uh oh, not good. Not good at all. 

I slowly prodded at the flesh, hissing at the pain. Dammit, I should have cleaned it the first thing yesterday. Bad decisions Parker, bad decisions. 

"Peter! You're gonna be late for your little tour!" May's voice rang from the living room. 

"Okay, I'm coming soon!" 

Well, fuck it. The wound's gonna heal sooner or later anyway, right? With that decision, I hastily wrapped bandages around my torso, praying for it to heal fast before Mr Stark or May finds out and probably kill me. 

_Okay, all you gotta do is get through this day, and then you can fall into a week-long slumber. Easy enough...right?_

Shouting a quick bye to May, I ran to school, ignoring the dull nagging pain in my abdomen every time it was tugged as I moved. 

* * *

"Hey, Peter!" I greeted Ned with a complicated handshake as we waited for the bus that takes us to Stark Industries, "Damn, you look like crap!" 

"Wow thanks, Ned. A real boost to my self-esteem," I deadpanned, eager to get this whole tour done with. 

"'Sup Penis Parker. Scared yet that your little scam will be found out by Tony Stark himself?" Flash and his annoying prepubescent voice taunted. 

_Fuck off, Flash. Sometimes I really wanna throttle him. Particularly now, when the pounding in my head is still at full volume._

"I'm more scared for you, but frankly I'm starting to care less," I muttered tiredly under my breath. 

"What did you just say, Parker?" 

I rolled my eyes and flipped him off while walking away from the indignant sputters from Flash just as the bus arrived and distracted his pea brain from forming a coherent sentence. 

My cheeks flared a bit when MJ hid a smile behind her book at the exchange. (Not even an infected stab wound, fever and headache can stop the power of crushes, heh.) 

"Damn, Peter! You just flipped Flash off! That was awesome!" Ned rejoined me as we stepped on the bus. 

I smiled at Ned and we sat together with MJ in a row next to us. Ned started rambling about how awesome the tour is going to be, I chuckled a bit at his enthusiasm but got increasingly distracted at how awful I am feeling. Ned's voice began to filter out into white noise as my head felt heavier by the second. My thoughts became increasingly jumbled and I couldn't focus on a single thing. _I could feel my abdomen throbbing where the injury was, I could feel the dull thudding in my head, I could feel the drop of sweat sliding down my temple, I could feel my shirt clinging to my body and how it rubs against my skin..._

"Peter!" Ned and MJ's voices jolted me out of my spiral as I snapped up to look at them. 

"Are you okay? You look a bit feverish," Ned said. 

I took a deep breath, recollecting myself, "Yeah, I'm fine. Just slept a bit late yesterday. Kinda tired right now. Maybe I'll just sleep for a while." 

MJ looked at me reassuringly, "'Kay loser, we'll wake you when we're there." 

With that, I leant my head to the cool window of the bus, sighing with relief how the cool surface soothes my building fever. I closed my eyes and slowly drifted off to an uneasy sleep, dreading the oncoming tour from the fiery pits of hell. 

And so I slept through the whole bus ride, oblivious to Flash's increasing annoyance since he sat at the front of the bus and could not get a rise out of me no matter what he said. MJ sniggered at how unobservant Flash is while he keeps on throwing unimaginative, stupid comments at my unconscious body. 

* * *

I woke up to Ned shaking me awake and feeling slightly better. Maybe this day won't be **that** bad after all. _Oh great, I'm home._ Getting off the bus, I heard gasps of awe as people gazed admiringly at the modern, sleek building. I smiled at it, noticing how I automatically call it 'home'. My mood brightened a bit when we stepped into the spacious lobby that I am very familiar with. 

A lady in a navy blouse walked over holding a box of badges. 

"Hello! Is this Midtown School of Science and Technology?" She asked in an enthusiastic voice and continued when Mr Harrington nodded in confirmation, "Good! My name is Ellie, and I'll be your guide for this tour today!" 

She rattled the box in her hands, "Now, I'll distribute the badges so just come up and take them when I call your name. Be sure not to lose them, or else our head of security won't be very..." she chuckled at her own joke, "happy." 

I bit my lip to suppress a laugh as the others went forward to take their badges. Seeing as she never called my name, I just discretely took out my badge (that I have never actually used since FRIDAY just recognises my face) and wore it around my neck. 

"Miss, Pen-Peter Parker doesn't have a badge! You didn't call his name!" 

Nevermind. This day _is_ going to be **that** bad and my headache is back again. 

Flash had to go open his stupid mouth. Is he like, obsessed with me or something? 

Ellie frowned and checked her list, but before she could realise that my name isn't on it, I stepped forward and showed Flash my badge. Ellie saw, eyes widening, and just led the class to the scanners to swipe their cards and start the tour. 

"I already have one, I work here remember?" I said slowly to Flash, enunciating each word as if talking to a 3-year-old. 

Flash sputtered indignantly, "B-But... you can't!" 

"Flash, we call that denial," I spoke, eager to end this conversation and get everything over with. 

"Wait, but why is yours red?" Flash thought for a second, "Aha! That's a fake card!" 

I looked at my card, it was indeed red. Looking over at Ellie, who was explaining FRIDAY to the other attentive students (unlike Flash), hers was white and so was everyone else. 

Oh god, why can't Mr Stark ever be subtle? 

**!!PLAY DUMB!!**

Really wanting to get the conversation out of the way, I went, "No Flash, it's white! Where did you find red?" 

**Not that dumb.**

MJ glanced at me and winked. I gaped dumbly, feeling every bit as dumb as Flash is every day. 

"Yeah, Eugene. That's white," MJ said, coming to my aid like a knight in shiny armour (I'm the damsel in distress). 

Ned, catching on, also proclaimed that my badge is white in colour. 

"No! It's red! I saw it!" 

"Well Flash, looks like you have delusion on top of that denial," I said, thankful that this is over. 

The three of us wandered over to the area of the scanners, joining the little line while Flash continues to frown and look confused. 

I prayed to whatever deity that is controlling my life right now and swiped my card in the scanner. 

Instead of simply announcing my name and clearance, FRIDAY decided to be a little shit. 

"Welcome back, Peter. Would you like me to inform Boss that you've arrived?" 

No, scratch that, not only is my throbbing headache back, it has now increased tenfold. 

Fuck my life. Is my life even real at this point? 

"No FRIDAY, no thank you." 

"Boss has been informed." 

I stared at the camera (I knew where they are) and glared at Mr Stark, who was having way too much fun right now. 

Flash and everyone else gawked at me as if I had suddenly run 400 laps, put a huge dent in the wall, binged '90 day fiance', cried at '90 day fiance', got a tattoo saying 'Bucky' with hearts on it, snogged Mr Bucky 'White Wolf' 'Winter Soldier' Barnes... _Okay maybe this isn't as hypothetical as it sounds_ ( **Someone** drugged Mr Steve 'Captain America' 'Capsicle' Roger's drink). 

“Uh... I intern here?" I smiled sheepishly, eager to get out of the spotlight. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~on the other hand~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pepper walked down the stairs to check up on Tony to make sure that he's still alive and breathing in that lab. Nearing the lab, she heard shouts. Quickening her footsteps she rushed to open the door, fearing the worst. 

Muttering "please don't burn a hole through the floor" (last time was an accident and definitely not because Tony and Peter deliberately fucking up the web solution for **science** ), Pepper stepped into the lab, only to find Tony crouched in front of the screen, laughing his guts out. 

Pepper chuckled at Tony's mirth as she wrapped her arms around him. 

"Hey honey, what are you laughing at?" 

Tony faced her with a giant grin, "Pep! You've gotta see Peter's face!" 

On the screen was a zoom-in of Peter's horrified face in all its glory, splayed on the huge screen. 

"Oh Tony, what did you do..." 

"Now I've gotta show it to the others!" Tony laughed and bounded out of the lab. 

Pepper smiled and shook her head fondly at her fiance acting like a child. 

* * *

The class filtered into the hallway of the R&D department after an awkward lift ride. 

After a short but interesting seminar (not to me, Mr Stark had already gone through what R&D does that dreaded time he introduced me), Ellie said way too cheerfully compared to my mood, "Now it's time for the fun session! We will now let you see and ask questions about the projects the interns are working on! But remember to not touch anything unless the intern permits you to." 

_Oh god, oh god, oh my fucking god. The **interns**?! Really? Fuck fate and damn Parker Luck™. I can't wait for this day to be over and I can lie in bed for a whole week._

Soon the class spread out and I hovered awkwardly around the exits, trying to stay as inconspicuous as I can. Flash, with his irritating obsession, walked over smugly. 

"I thought you intern here. Aren't you supposed to be presenting or something?" Flash said gleefully, glad to have found a hole to poke at in my story. 

I sighed and resigned to my fate of having to talk to Flash, "And aren't you supposed to have something to do other than annoying me? Yet here we are." 

Flash, ignoring my jab, turned around to face the closest intern who was talking to my classmates, "Hey! You there!" 

The intern turned around, searching for where Flash's voice originated from. Scanning across the room, we locked eyes as recognition sparked in his eyes. 

_No Mike, don't do it. Don't fucking do it._

"Hey, Mini-Stark!" 

_He fucking did it._


	3. Peter is a Kryptonite to Himself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guess who ditched their impeding homework for fic writing?
> 
> I also feel like I'm projecting waaaay too much in this fic lol
> 
> Anyway, the more I wrote Flash, the more closeted gay vibe I got and the more I wrote Peter, the more pan (or bi idk) I felt he was. I mean I guess it's in his name... peter PAN. Heh. Please don't not read because of this pun I'm sorry.
> 
> Last chapter!!! Enjoyyy :)

"Heeeey, Mike," I smiled sheepishly at the overly-enthusiastic intern as whispers flared around us. 

"Peter! You're here on a tour?" Mike gushed excitedly, my other classmates stared at our exchange while the other interns try to wave at me. 

"No shit, Sherlock," I mumbled, wanting to grab fate by the wrist and manically shake it while screaming **'why!!!'**. 

"Cool! Hey Mini-Stark, come check out my project! I finally got over that final problem thanks to your equation!" He excitedly dragged me over to his product. 

I chuckled awkwardly, my abdomen wound straining at the pull. Can someone have the ground swallow me up, cover my body with dirt and stick a sign writing 'death from embarrassment' please? 

All my classmates looked at me in wonder. _Anytime now Ground, don't be shy, drag me down!_

Flash's face seemed as if he couldn't decide whether to gape or glare at me. 

* * *

After a disastrous session of interns dragging me left and right (I swear to god, I'm gonna murder Mr Stark so bad for dragging me down to R&D and making me somewhat of a celebrity there), Flash looking like he was ready to burst a vein, it was eventually lunchtime. 

Sitting down in the corner of the cafeteria with Ned and MJ, I shovelled a couple of beans in my mouth and already lost appetite. The pain in my torso was getting worse than it even was in the morning. 

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Flash sashaying over. Oh great, what does the idiot want now? 

"Quick! Pretend that I'm asleep!" I whispered to Ned and MJ. 

Flash was already at our table. _Dammit too late, Parker._

"Penis," He started, "how many times did you have to suck dick for that intern to pretend to say he knows you?" 

I sighed inwardly and contemplated whether going along or against would be the fastest way to end this conversation. 

"Well, definitely more than yours has been sucked," I winked at him falsely, "I mean, as for how many times, counting would take ages! By the way, did you know, the best way to suck a cock is to..." 

"Oh my god, Parker! You're, you're such a faggot!" Flash's face turned scarlet and quickly flounced away. 

MJ smirked while Ned guffawed. I giggled a bit, surprised at how Flash managed to do the exact opposite of what he intended to do and put me in a better mood than I had been. 

Soon, Ned and MJ started chatting about something that I had tuned out due to my persistent headache and I laid my head on MJ's shoulder and dozed off. 

* * *

I woke up to someone shaking me awake the second time in a day. 

"Hey, loser," she said softly, "you okay? You look awfully pale." 

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lied, "just a bit tired." 

MJ frowned at me but thankfully didn't call me out on my bullshit. 

"Wait, what's this?" I gestured to the ziplock bag of chocolate cookies in front of me. 

Ned started rambling and fangirling excitedly (me too Ned, me too), "The Bucky Barnes in an apron and a chef's hat came down to the cafeteria to hand you the cookies he and Steve made! And he said 'hi' to me and knew my name! And everyone else was like 'WHOAAAAAAA' but he just glared at everyone until they glanced away! He's so awesome!" 

I smiled and munched on one of them, sighing appreciatively at the chocolate chips that were slowly melting in my mouth, coating my tongue in rich chocolate. 

The tour started once again. Surprisingly, Flash seemed to bother me less. Instead, I saw him looking confused and muttering to himself. Perhaps he has finally realised the denial he's knee-deep in. Must be confusing for him to process such a small fact. (Flash is really trying to connect the dots here) 

Perhaps this won't be so bad after all! Other than the FRIDAY is a Little Snitch Incident and Mike the Over-enthusiastic Intern Incident this morning, it's been well so far. Well, there's also Flash's annoying disturbances. Not to mention the flaring forehead of pain and scorching abdomen of agony. It's fine. Every inch of my body is in discomfort and my wound feels worse. It's fine. Everything is crashing and burning in my body and it's totally fine. _(Guess who's in denial now! Denial isn't a river in Egypt, stop dipping in it!)_

On the plus side, I had cookies. 

Positivity is a good attribute. 

* * *

"Okay! This is the end! I hope you all enjoyed this tour of SI! We would love to see you in the future again as an employee!" Ellie spoke. 

_**Yes!** The long-awaited sleep is just in an arms' reach! I can't wait to snuggle in the bed with a blanket and ice on the wound-_

"Miss, Boss said that since he's free, they can meet him hold a Q&A session," FRIDAY's voice filtered through the seemingly invisible speakers on the ceiling. 

It's as if the universe grabbed my arm and shouted in my face **'SIKE! You thought that was it? Ha! You sweet naive summer child. I'm going to ruin this boy's whole career!'**

Yeah, that analogy seems suitable. 

The long-awaited sleep is no longer just in an arms' reach. 

**Why?!** Just why is Mr Stark so extra? 

Korg, meet bottom. I'm going to be embarrassed for life. You know what? I'll survive without a diploma. I'll live on scraps if it means that I won't see these people ever again _(wait who's extra now? Writer is genuinely confused. Also that is a big mood, I feel like I'm projecting too much in this fic)_. 

We were ushered into a small newsroom and everyone sat there in anticipation (not me, I'm in dread). I slid lower and lower in my seat, fruitlessly hoping that if I lie low enough Mr Stark will not address me. Why can't my powers be invisibility? 

The doors opened with a bang and everyone jumped up in alert as Mr Stark sauntered in and onto the podium. 

I sunk even lover in my seat until I'm pretty sure only my a strand of my hair could be seen. 

"Hello, Midtown! How was the tour?" Mr Stark asked. 

A chorus of 'good' answered him. I groaned. 

"Hey you, on the third row. Sit up, sitting like that is bad for your back," Mr Stark said gleefully. 

I played a very good imitation of a tomato as everyone's attention was placed on me. I glared at Mr Stark on the podium, hoping to convey 'Mr Stark I will bury you when we go back to the penthouse above'. He only smiled at me and seemed to enjoy every bit of my embarrassment. 

Surprisingly, other than that little hiccup, Mr Stark seemed to sincerely enjoy answering the class's questions. That is, until Flash looking genuinely confused and curious opened his mouth and blurted. 

"Mr Tony Stark, do you really work with Pen-Peter Parker?" 

Mr Stark's eye narrowed. Uh oh, **uh oh**. This isn't good. This can only end in disaster. 

In a quiet and calm voice that he only uses when he's livid (flashbacks to the ferry), he asked, "What did you just call Peter?" 

Flash squirmed under his gaze and reluctantly admitted, "Penis..." 

"You know, I saw you kept harassing my intern Peter over here," Mr Stark gestured to me as I was trying my best to imitate Drax's advice. 

"SI doesn't tolerate bullying. If you continue to bully Pete, I'm gonna make sure your future doesn't look bright." 

Flash trembled and looked pale, yet still desperate to try and connect the dots of how Parker got into SI (Flash is genuinely asking here and has no filter, the poor boy is lacking some brain cells and actually starts to get confused after his interaction with Peter), he asked, "Did Peter really suck dick to get into Stark Industries?" 

Mr Stark's eyes widened with mine as I regretted with every fibre of my body that I had played along to Flash's little taunt. 

"You lil' shi-" Mr Stark's nano-particles start to go to his fist. My senses told me to stop him from accidentally murdering a minor. 

I threw myself in front of Flash and held Mr Stark's arm from lashing out. I winced as the sudden movement tore searing pain through my abdomen. The pain caused my head to spin and all I could see were stars and hear faint shoutings of Mr Stark. 

"I- I need to lie down, I think. I feel dizzy, Dad." I whispered. 

Everything went black and I smiled at finally getting my wish of falling into a deep sleep. 

* * *

I sighed in contentment as I snuggled deeper into the pillow. Wait, pillow? 

I blinked away the sleep as I looked around. Taking into account the pristine covers and gears, the medical room. I sighed, Mr Stark definitely knows about the wound now. Speak of the devil- 

"Hey bambino, you're up now," Mr Stark rushed to my side and helped me up. 

"How are you feeling?" 

"Better. It doesn't hurt anymore," I replied truthfully, there was no more throbbing pain. 

"Good. It was infected and your immune system was very weak from all that blood loss you probably had." 

"Sorry..." I smiled sheepishly. 

"Pete," He said, ruffling my hair, "did you say 'Dad' just now before you passed out?" 

My cheeks flared. _God, Peter, can you seem any more desperate for a father figure? This will definitely make him hate you._

"'Cause that's alright. I, kinda... like it when you call me that and I think of you as a son too," he continued. 

**Oh.** Wow. Oh. 

"Peter? You okay? Breathe," he chuckled. 

Mr Stark actually wants me? He thinks of me as a son? 

"Um, yeah. I- I like that. Uh yeah, that's pretty cool," I added as an afterthought, "Dad." 

He smiled, "Well glad that's over with. That was hella awkward!" 

We laughed in unison of our shared awkwardness and sheer absurdity of the situation. Who knew getting stabbed would eventually get you a father. 

We sat there on the medical bed, me lying on the bed and him leaning over with an arm propped up on the bed, basking in the joy of our new father-son relationship. 

The moment broke as Mr Stark spoke once again and I groaned. Should have known that the Lecture could never be escaped. 

"Good. Now for the lecture. What were you thinking? Hiding a wound like that! As your father, I am extremely worried..." 

It went on forever. 

* * *

I opened my locker just as Ned walked over and we did our handshake. 

"Hey, man. You feeling better? Mr Stark said you were sick that day and just ushered us all away with a bunch of security guards glaring specifically at Flash. It was awesome watching him tremble 'cause the guards all look super intimidating and scary like MJ!" 

I chuckled and whispered, "Yeah, I'm feeling way better. I wasn't sick though, I got stabbed." 

Ned gasped in concern and awe, "During surfing the web?" 

"Yeah, pretty much. So what happened these days I was absent?" 

"Well, people think you're either the illegitimate son of Tony Stark," understandable, I supposed. Ned continued nonchalantly, "or the sugar baby of Tony Stark." 

Before I could sputter and reply, I saw Flash coming this way. Now, what does he want? 

"Hey, uh... Peter. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for saying all those things and calling you 'penis'," 

Wow. Being stabbed does have its perks, apparently. 

"I know you probably can't forgive me right now and that's understandable. I'm sorry." 

"Well, it's okay," I replied. 

Ned shot me an incredulous expression, translating into 'why the fuck would you do that?' 

I mouthed back 'well what am I supposed to do, he seems sincere'. 

"Well, in that case," he continued shyly, "you know what you said in the cafeteria..." 

I paled. Oh no. 

"Can you finish that sentence of what the best way is?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that's it! What do u think?
> 
> Kudos to HairGoddess for the a bit of the plot and LukaO_O for the chapter title!!!
> 
> Tumblr: toomanyfandomsuhoh
> 
> Shameless self-promo that u can ignore if u want: I posted a lil "pilot chapter" of an original work. Check it out and gimme some suggestions on it if u want :)


	4. Cut Scenes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Read if you're a Sherlockian
> 
> This ish wrote itself idk how this happened
> 
> *pure crack*

"No shit, Sherlock" I mumbled, wanting to grab fate by the wrist and manically shake it while screaming **'why!!!'**. 

Suddenly, an orange portal opened next to me as everyone gasped. I, being spooked, jumped and stuck to the ceiling, shooting a web accidentally. My classmates whipped their heads from the portal to me and gasped again. Mike fainted. 

A tall (not as tall as people think) person with dark curly hair stepped out. In a deep baritone voice, he said, "you called?" 

The rest of the people in the room kept looking back and forth at the exchange, mouths gaping. 

"Oh my god," Cindy gasped. 

"Close but not quite," the stranger that looked suspiciously like Doctor Strange quipped in a British accent. 

"You're that neurosurgeon dude that went crazy and left for India or something to buy essential oils!" Cindy continued. 

"What? No!" The man said, turning his collar up, brows furrowed. 

"Uh, Doctor Strange sir, why are you here?" I asked, internally wincing and hoping that everyone miraculously forgets about this slip up of mine. 

The wizard stared at me with a piercing gaze that made my senses tingle, and his eyes moved as if he was reading something. 

"I'm not this Doctor that you're searching for. The name is Sherlock Holmes. I see you have petted a dog on your way to," he glanced around and continued to speak in a rapid pace, "school. The dog wasn't your pet seeing from your trousers. You slept on your right last night, you're right-handed, you are in a rush this morning, you're wearing trousers from yesterday," 

The stranger split into a grin, "Aha! Interesting... you're used to danger, judging by your fast reflexes. You're left side is sensitive probably due to a recent wound by the lack of colour on your face. Oh! So that's why you slept on your right! And you have these wrist... bands? And sticky hands?" 

"Wh-What?" The rest of the people in the room seemed to have come to the same reaction as me. 

The man who proclaimed himself as the fictional character seemed to not acknowledge us as he said to the space by his right, "thank you, John." 

FRIDAY interrupted my racing thoughts as she informed, "Cannot compute, wrong universe. Boss is on his way." 

My eyes widened at FRIDAY's statement, going even more confused. 

"Sherlock?" A second British voice spoke from the glowing portal. 

Agent Ross stepped out, wrapped around a sheet with only military pants on (cough, Sherlock's military kink, cough), holding a bag of... **fingers?!**

"A-Agent Ross?" I spluttered. 

"Nope, just John Watson. Sherlock, I thought today was our day off in the Marvel universe, come back to bed and get rid of the fingers. They're starting to stink" he said to the intimidating man. 

"Yes, it should have been our day off, but this interesting sticky person summoned me," he scowled. I felt attacked. 

"Apparently they are looking for some strange doctor?" he continued. 

"I'm a doctor!" The shorter blond man said. 

My eyes widened further, nothing made sense anymore (me too Peter, me too. This author has no idea what the heck she is writing, it just happened). 

Mr Stark walked in at the exact moment, glanced at me on the ceiling, a Doctor Strange doppelganger examining the web I shot, an Agent Ross look-alike with his upper-torso naked and holding a bag of fingers. 

**"What the fu-"**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaand that truly is everything :)
> 
> Go check out my other fics if u want!!!


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